So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!". and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on"..The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?".

A horse walked into the Ice Cream shop. "I'll have a chocolate ice cream cone" the horse said. The Ice Cream Man, John, gave the horse the cone. The horse, having a $10 bill in his wallet, gave the money to John. Since John thought the horse wouldn't know a thing about money, he gave the horse one dollar back. "Thanks for coming," John said to the horse. "We don't get that many horses around here!". The horse replied, "Well, it's no wonder for $9 a cone!"

One day Mary said to her husband Bob, "Why don't we get ourselves two horses? We could go on trail rides and we can keep them in the paddock behind the house". Bob thought that it was a good idea, so the next day they came home with two horses. There was one problem, however. They couldn't tell the two apart!

Sometimes they would get confused and ride the wrong horse. They sat down to have a talk about what they could do to tell the horses apart. Bob said, "Well, I'll shave my horse's mane off, and we can tell them apart that way!" After a few months, the mane grew back, and they had the same problem. "I'll cut my horse's tail short, so then we can tell them apart!" said Mary. But, the tail grew out, and they still had a problem! So they decided to measure the horses. Bob would have the biggest one, and Mary would have the smaller one.

Guess what they found? The black one was two inches taller than the gray one!

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid - the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry", said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply.

The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"

"Because" the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"